100 Reasons Why I Feel Completely Neutral About My Husband

I promise you that this isn’t going to be a blog about how much I hate my husband—two reasons: first, Christine already writes that blog, and it’s fascinating. Reading it is as irresistible as slowing down to get a good look at a car crash on the side of the interstate. You want to smugly believe that something like that could never happen to you, but there’s always that little needling voice reminding you, “There but for the grace of God.” One of these days I intend to learn how to install a blog roll on this page so you can see what I mean for yourself (sorry I’m such a beginner!). Second: I don’t hate my husband. Not even remotely. Think of your neediest, most high-maintenance house plant. Do you hate it? Of course not. It may be messy, droopy, or otherwise irritating, but certainly not to the degree of inspiring hate. It’s hard to hate something as passive as a houseplant.

On the other hand, it’s hard to love a house plant too.

My husband is a houseplant in all ways but one. A ficus tree, like my husband, is passive. My husband, unlike a ficus tree, is passive aggressive. I’ve yet to meet a passive aggressive ficus tree.

I’ve met a couple of maples with bad attitudes, but that’s another story.

Advertisements

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. OldHorsetailSnake
    Aug 30, 2005 @ 05:47:00

    Aha! A husband in severe need of pruning. Unfortunate thing, Matilda. Good luck.

    Reply

  2. Mrs. Mac
    Aug 30, 2005 @ 13:03:00

    A librarian married to a ficus. Hum … let's see … I guess that's better than being married to a rambling vine.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: